Recently, as I was flooring the gas pedal and barely keeping control of the car in a heavy snowfall, I caught myself in a simple realization. It seems that at that moment, I finally found the words to describe what I fear most in my life with dogs.
No, it’s not fights, not illnesses, not wounds, not disobedience or anything like that. Not failures in training or low scores in rings and competitions.
I am afraid of a dog’s old age. Long, painful, gray, and damp. With icy paws that you gently warm and rub. With useless hearing, where you can’t let them off-leash for even a second, even in the fields, and you must stay in front of their face, repeating and showing everything.
With a slowly, slowly dimming gaze, where the cheerful dog you once knew now flickers for just a moment at the very bottom of their eyes.
With uncertain paw movements and a sad, offended face: “How come I can’t keep up with my beloved owner anymore?”
I’m afraid of a dog’s old age—bleak and deaf—for those endless naps that the senior dog drifts into from time to time. For those moments when you come home and among the happy snouts greeting you, you don’t see the gray muzzle and tail. And with your heart dropping like a stone to the floor, you rush to find your beloved senior—only to find them peacefully sleeping, wrapped in blankets on the forbidden (or is it?) couch.
I fear a dog’s old age because of dates. Because of numbers, days, minutes. Because of a friend-veterinarian’s awkward silence. Because of the illnesses brought on by old age. Because of helplessness and powerlessness. Because time is always the enemy. Because of the risks—stupid, senseless, endless risks that are anything but noble.
Because of… Yes, damn it, because of everything.
…And at that moment, watching the second hand on the clock and the needle on the speedometer, skidding to a stop by the clinic, I understood it all completely. The old age of a beloved dog is my nightmare. Inevitable, because this is life. And at the same time—a nightmare.
Love your old dog. And spare nothing for them, even if it seems like they already have everything. Give more.
